January 26th, 2006
The Internet is a little bit like highschool: endless, shitty and psychologically damaging.
It's also chock full of familiar adolescent stereotypes- the Anime Guy, infesting our forums with Dragon Ball Kawaii Yaoi fanfiction. The Jock, lurking in Yahoo sex chat. The Science Prick, expounding upon his Pyramid-Cube 666 Conspiracy theory. The Misunderstood Goth, sharing his pain in the form of dripping blood bars and spinning skull gifs.
Rarest of all, and ironically, most valuable is the Schoolyard Bully- the TardBuster. That's where we come in: protectors of the Internets, here to slap the textbooks out of your hands and steal your lunch money until you learn to stop being such a faggot.
I remember one time in between lunch and fourth period Shauna Dawes came up to me and said "Who's that on your shirt?", and I said "Uh, it's Einsturzende Neubauten. They're only the most prolific and influential gothic-industrial band of all freaking time." And she said "Do you like Korn" and I said "Hell no I don't like no freakin corn. I'm allergic to that shit" and the next thing I knew I was stuck in a gym locker for three hours and they had to get the jaws of life to get me out, but I'm a hell of a lot bigger these days and I'd like to see that bitch try some shit on me now.
I totally forgot where I was going with this.
Welcome to AfraidToAsk.com, the source for answers to all of the questions that you were too ashamed to bother your Sex Ed teacher with. Here you can find pictures of crab lice, syphilis, titties and pubic hair, along with honest and straight-forward health information, unbiased and without bias.
NOW WITH 50% LESS BIAS.
AfraidToAsk's community forum boasts 10776 registered members. Over ten thousand confused, sex-obsessed mutants, all clamoring for advice and acceptance. But don't just take my word for it- let's let them speak for themselves, shall we?
I put quite a bit of thought into the best way to introduce the images that are about to be burnt into your brain like some kind of malignant stupid-cancer, and to be honest with you, I'm not sure that I can. There might not be enough words in the English language for "retarded".
AfraidToAsk is a festering pit of dumb.
AfraidToAsk is a Tilt-a-Whirl of stupidity.
AfraidToAsk has the collective intelligence of a box of hair.
AfraidToAsk wants to know your A/S/L.
AfraidToAsk says "LOL" out loud because it knows that makes you angry.
AfraidToAsk raped my mother and burned down my house.
AfraidToAsk is a dogshit dildo. Made of poop.
One time, AfraidToAsk made me so mad I crapped my pants.
Dear AfraidToAsk, I hope you all suffer for this.
Plz die AfraidToask die die fuckers die.
Until next time, I'll leave you with the words of "18yearoldsicko", who probably ought to move to Japan or the Philipines while he's still a free man.