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Sunday, July 9th, 2006
4:13 am

Tardbust #021
8th July, 2006

So I'm back. Kidnapped by Fur Qaeda, yiffed, scritched (or whateverthefuck they call it) and pretty fucking pissed off about it. So how've you been? Me, I've been shit. Right before I got kidnapped Mrs. Bastardfish left me for some hunky goatfucker or other and I almost got sent to court, joy of motherfucking joys.

So I'm single and I haven't had a decent fuck in months. I even got so desperate I joined myspace, got a few chicks back to myplace to sit on myface but found that, really, Internetz Disease isn't just a disease, it's a motherfucking epidemic. Birdflu ain't got shit on these fatties. Angle-poise buttertrolls are everywhere these days, like fat little piglets suckling on the life-giving teats of the Intarwebs.

And with that, I segue as smoothly as George W. Bush on a Segway into my return bust. You see, there's only one thing I'd need in order to have the edge over the regular Myspace losers. Just one thing would guarantee that I have a constant stream of young, attractive females (and, where applicable and not fat, males) just gagging to let me bust my tard all over the back of their throats. It's not good looks. It's not even a big pen0r. I refer, dear, dear bustfans, to The Almighty Dollar.

Of course, there have always been trophy wives. Who can forget the unforgettably forgettable marriage of William Shakespeare and Pollyanna off MTV's hit show "Real World: Antarctic Research Station Sanae IV". Or Britney Spears' gay marriage to Harribunder Jones, a sixteen-foot topiary from Florida. Ah, romance. Marriages to trophy wives, however, are often disguised as legitimate relationships. "Oh, of course I love him!", says the blonde D-cup of her 98-year-old, billionaire, Cryptkeeper husband, "our love is as pure as the snow". Sure. But for those ladies who aren't in denial about their gold-digging, there's wealthymen.com.
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1:32 am



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Friday, January 27th, 2006

January 26th, 2006
Tardbust #020

The Internet is a little bit like highschool: endless, shitty and psychologically damaging.

It's also chock full of familiar adolescent stereotypes- the Anime Guy, infesting our forums with Dragon Ball Kawaii Yaoi fanfiction. The Jock, lurking in Yahoo sex chat. The Science Prick, expounding upon his Pyramid-Cube 666 Conspiracy theory. The Misunderstood Goth, sharing his pain in the form of dripping blood bars and spinning skull gifs.

Rarest of all, and ironically, most valuable is the Schoolyard Bully- the TardBuster. That's where we come in: protectors of the Internets, here to slap the textbooks out of your hands and steal your lunch money until you learn to stop being such a faggot.

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Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
7:07 pm - SNEAK PREVIEW of TardBust #20


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Sunday, January 15th, 2006
6:44 pm


The Christian Goth Blue Rose Society
January 14th, 2006
Tardbust #019

Do you ever feel like an outsider?

Do you feel like you can't be yourself without people judging you, looking down on you? Have you ever wondered whether anyone understands what you're going through? Whether there is anyone who cares enough to really get to know you? Do you worry that if people actually did get to know you they wouldn't like you, that you'd just end up rejected and lonely?

Perhaps you know what it's like to be mocked, shunned, excluded, or just plain ignored.

ChristianGoth.com is indeed a website that should be shunned, excluded and just plain ignored- however, I am going to mock it instead. I do this for you, dear reader, so that you may not accidentally fall prey to the cult that are the ChristianGoths.

Now we all know that Jesus was Goth. I mean, the long dark hair, the crown of thorns and the most morbid dinner conversation ever:

"The bread? You like the bread? It's my FLESH!!! And the wine is my BLOOD!!! Nahh, I'm just fucking with you! It's a Merlot."

-Luke 28:17

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Saturday, January 14th, 2006
11:50 pm - Saturnine Assumes Control of Tardbusters, Absolutely Nothing gets Done for 4 Months, says Newsweek.

Yes, we've finally updated.

And now that I've finally installed wireless interwebs at my home and anarchemist, newest addition to the TardBust team and all around swell guy is on the job, you can expect many more updates in the near future.


But only if managing to cram a Holocaust joke and a date rape joke into an anti-Christian themed bust dosn't get us sued out of existance.


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Sunday, November 20th, 2005

www.tardbusters.com is online and fully operational. All of the hotlinked images in the LJ and MySpace group should be working just fine now.

For reasons I won't go into here in detail, I have hijacked TardBusters and assumed total control and legal responsibility for the site. Look forward to many exciting weeks of me sitting on my ass and not writing any busts! SHAZAM!

Check the FIGHT section of the website for details on my billion jillion dollar lawsuit drama and the latest news regarding guys who put their dicks in stuffed toys for fun and profit!

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Saturday, November 12th, 2005
9:49 pm

Probably the best way I can describe what's been happening recently is using flash animation.


Part One.
Part Two.

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Friday, September 23rd, 2005
8:47 pm

Folks, this just hit our Inbox:

Dear LiveJournal user bastard_fish,

We have received a report, properly formatted under the provisions set forth by
United States law, indicating that your entries located at
http://www.livejournal.com/community/tardbusters/2392.html and
http://www.livejournal.com/community/tardbusters/2738.html violate the copyright
of another. As such, we hereby direct you to remove that entry as soon as
possible, but no later than 12:01 AM, EDT, Saturday, 24 September, 2005, to
avoid further action against your account.

If you feel that this report is in error or that your use of the material falls
under one of the categories permitted under copyright law, you are entitled to
file a counter-notification, also under the provisions of US law; please contact
us for information on how to do this. Filing a counter-notification indicates
that you are willing to defend yourself in court against a charge of copyright
infringement, and you may be bound by civil and possibly criminal penalties if
you are found liable.

LiveJournal Abuse Team

The two entries they cite are Bust #008 (Yahoo! Plushies) and Tards Fight Back (Coolbear stylee). Now, while I'm pretty fucking certain that the usage of Coolbear's images (and yes, let's not beat about the bush here, we've known almost from the beginning that it's he who's trying to do all of this) is allowed by copyright law since we're only providing "comment" and "criticism", actually telling the wonderful, lovely, charismatic people at LJ Abuse this (as the e-mail states) means that Ms Saturnine and I could find ourselves fighting the case in court. Which neither of us wants to do, especially since all the material is already mirrored elsewhere (not on Livejournal). So folks, in the absence of Ms Saturnine I'm going to make the decision alone and take those two bits off this livejournal community. It's not really a big loss, the bust (and Tards Fight Back) part can still be found on the website (and its mirror), so anyone looking for those parts can go there. But fuck going to court- that'd mean meeting Coolbear. Ew.

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Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
11:46 am

Tardbusters.com is back.

Bust #018 has been uploaded onto it, and so Tardbusters.net is now just a mirror.

Various funnies have come to pass while the server has been out of action but, I'm afraid, it's going to be a while before I can talk about them. Sorry. I'm not keeping you in the dark because I'm being some sort of elitist asshole, I'm just very aware of the fact that the person who wants the site taken down reads this livejournal and, as such, any information we give out might help him.

Still, I'd like to say to him: you might just have to learn to live with it and grow a sense of humour.

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Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
12:18 am

Tardbusters: The Website lives. Our wonderful tech guy informs us that tardbusters.com will be up and running in due course and that the server is alive. Which is great news, obviously. Until then:


This will eventually just be our backup site should tardbusters.com have problems for whatever reason. It's hosted not only on a different server but on a different continent. Hopefully it won't be needed, of course, but it's just there as a precaution. For the moment, though, tardbusters.net is the main (and only) uploaded version of the site.

You know, I think it's about time we busted some emo kiddies, now that we have conclusive proof (thanks to bustfan MostlyHarmless) that emo is pure, unadulterated ghey:

Made in MS Paint, apparently. Marvelous.

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Monday, September 12th, 2005
5:39 pm

50webs is far better at checking its TOS violaters than eSmartStart was.


http://tardbusters.50webs.com/ is now defunct, having been up for just six days.

EDIT: OMG TEH DRAMA! I told 50webs the site was down and asked why. I received the following response:

Hello [ Tardbusters ],

Yes I know.

Your site was reported for abuse.

50Webs.com does NOT allow sites that provide any content, points of distribution, or `links` to sites that:- are defamatory, trade libelous, threatening, unlawfully harassing, abusive, pornographic or obscene.

The account was blocked.


Then the following anonymous reply appeared in response to the original post here (see replies).

"this live journal is defunct soon"

All the clues point towards a certain individual we busted almost a year ago. I had no idea he was still so pissed off. Still. ROFLCOPTER, I SAY!

Edit 2: We now know exactly who it is who's getting/trying to get the site shut down. Oddly, it's not actually who I thought it was. Hilariously, it's a guy we wrote about for only sixty-eight words in one bust, and who we deemed to boring to actually talk about much further.

Edit 3: Curiouser and curiouser. The IP address suggests one tard. The e-mail address of the person who reported us suggests another. Is there an unholy alliance going on? They're both the same type of tard...

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Thursday, September 8th, 2005
2:20 am

Tardbust #018: Enigma In A Bubble is now complete and can be found at Tardbusters' temporary home here: http://tardbusters.50webs.com

The bust won't be uploaded onto this livejournal community just yet, as hotlinking images gives 50webs.com the ghey. I might set up a Tardbusters photobucket account, but it's 2:22am and I have to be at work at 9am.


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Monday, September 5th, 2005
10:47 pm

I hope I'm right in thinking that all Tardbust-related people are now reported to be alive. If so: bitchin'. And, as an extra bit of glad tidings:


Tardbusters is back, mofos. Temporary host for now, located in Bulgaria, apparently. Unfortunately, as with all free hosts, our Terms Of Service are somewhat strict:

"50Webs.com does NOT allow sites that provide any content, points of distribution, or `links` to sites that:
- are defamatory, trade libelous, threatening, unlawfully harassing, abusive, pornographic or obscene"

Ah crap. Well, it'll do for now. eSmartStart (who hosted us back in the www.muppet.50g.com/tardbust days) didn't take us down till Coolbear threw his shitfit. Problems to do with images on this livejournal community, however, are still ongoing and will be sorted out in due course.

Let me know if you're having any problems with the site.


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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
11:21 pm - To be continued...

Tardbusters has a strong readership in New Orleans, for reasons which will be obvious to some of you. There's no way of saying this which isn't cheesy, but I hope that all of you are okay.

Incidentally, tardbusters.com is down. This, as no_rabble mentioned here, is because the server was located in the New Orleans area. As he says, "it may or may not ever be back online". The future of Tardbusters as a website is currently unknown. The content is all intact on my hard drive, but I'm not even thinking about it until we know that certain individuals are safe; not mentioning any names in order to preserve anonymity. Consider this, therefore, a (hopefully brief) hiatus for Tardbusters. Watch this space, though. This livejournal, for now, will be the centre of any Tardbusters-related information.

Again, I hope you're all okay and I look forward to having everyone back together.

Edit: In the mean time, something fun to try and lift the mood a little:


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Friday, August 26th, 2005
5:10 pm - WHAT

It all made sense until the last four words.Collapse )

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Sunday, August 14th, 2005
2:49 am

Remember "Sin", Tardbust #004 and author of the brilliant "DIE PREPS DIE!"? Well, I recently realised she was still around but had never been tipped off about her review. So I did just that.

She then posted this as the next entry in her insanejournal:


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Monday, August 8th, 2005
10:04 am

Behold, the new Flash trailer for Tardbusters.com. CLICK.

Edit: also, http://www.tardbusters.com/ has a new flash-y index.html page.

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Sunday, July 31st, 2005
3:13 am

No news for a while, but exciting things are in the pipeline. Hopefully. Additionally: hello to all our new members. Keep spreading the word.

In the mean time, meet the three most disturbing Harry Potter-related sentences on livejournal:

3) “Welcome to the Harry Potter Incest LJ Community.”

2) “earningtails and I watched _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ last night, then had Harry Potter sex. We pretended I was Buckbeak and she was a student who fell in love with him on a flight and sneaked into the stables after dark...”

1) “And then a Professor walked in... and saw the girl bent over in the hippogriff stables, being mounted by the fierce beast. She eeked in alarm at getting caught, but the Professor started masturbating and said, "50 points for Gryffindor!"”

Also, speaking of Harry Potter, I only just noticed this fuckwit: http://www.livejournal.com/community/tardbusters/3328.html

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